Storyofmyheart's Blog

The Joy of the Lord

storyofmyheart — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 13:53:19 +0000

My husband and I, along with a small group of friends/ministry partners were invited to do a youth camp this past week in Wisconsin. Four days with junior and senior high kids, eight services, games and the rest. It was an awesome experience, while being physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining at times. We have come to notice in these past few years, along with other’s observations, that certain groups, certain towns, certain regions often have a common “feel” or attitude. I don’t know how to explain it exactly, except that when you go into certain situations that you are unfamiliar with, both you and the people that you are with are impacted by the same emotions. The Bible says that certain principalities (spirits) are given authority over different regions for a time. I don’t know exactly why but it’s the truth, and for the glory of God. This area was very oppressive, depressing. We all felt the pressure of performing and doing everything “right” by man’s standards, and we could’ve fallen into those things, but we fought through. And here is the cool part: despite this atmosphere, God ministered to us and the kids in powerful ways. And in the middle of it all, I got to experience the joy of the Lord. The Bible talks a lot about the joy of the Lord, but I’ve had such a hard time just “getting it”. I’ve tried and tried to understand it and experience it, but I could never do it on my own. Probably because I’ve had a lot of those nasty things on me that I talked about earlier. I’ve struggled so hard with performance and earning, and trying to not do anything wrong, that I’ve had a hard time trusting God and knowing His goodness. I mean, how can you when you’re living a different way, trying to be good enough so that an angry God doesn’t punish you. Think you’re going to experience His peace and freedom that way? Uh uh, because you’re formulating your own concept of God instead of surrendering to who He really is and what He says. I know at least that’s what I was doing. So anyway, getting tired of hitting that wall all of the time, wanting to receive but not able, I started just giving up. And that’s where He met me! In giving up, in surrendering. In saying, ok God, I’ll trust you, I’ll believe you. I want to know the real you. And there, in the midst of exhaustion and oppression, the joy of the Lord came to me, and I started seeing Him happy, and laughing, and rejoicing. Several times, and it is so good. I am on the worship team, and sing about God’s joy and goodness all of the time, but finally I’m getting to experience it, and I love it. I would never go back. While singing at camp, I saw Jesus just laughing and dancing as the kids were worshipping Him- kids that have done a lot of bad things, but surrendered their lives to Him, and He didn’t care anymore about any of those sins, because He already paid for them. So He just has a party for each one because they were lost and now they’re found, and He loves them so much, more than the world. And I think He had a party for me too, because I stopped believing myself and started believing Him. When we do that, it doesn’t matter what the circumstance. It doesn’t matter, the power of the enemy, or the thickness of darkness. When we just trust God, His power breaks through, and Heaven realities come to earth and take over. Amen, that is awesome, and He is happy to do it, because He is a Happy God!

fear of man

storyofmyheart — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 01:47:25 +0000

For years, well actually for most of my life that I can remember, I have been afraid. Though it is a shame to say, I’ve been afraid of so many things, especially people. I’ve even been afraid of God, the only true source of my protection, identity and unconditional love. I’ve been afraid of rejection, punishment, you name it. Obviously enough, but I’ll state it anyway, living in a state of constant fear is not healthy. In fact, after hearing a message by a preacher named Creflo Dollar, I have begun to be convicted of this lifestyle and am committed to changing, by the grace of God. (This was a divine set-up by God by the way, as I watched him preach on tv at my mother-in-law’s house, for I do not have cable- and it was the exact day that I found out I was expecting. This is another miracle story, and it’s a good one…) Anyway, as a good friend of mine likes to say, “to make a long story even longer…” This message preached was about fear, and about how it is Never ok. Never? really? Yes never. He said that a lot of Christians today have a belief system which not only makes room for fear, but actually encourages it. ”A little fear is a good thing, keeps you out of trouble…” and all that. Then he lovingly quoted a verse from I don’t know where- it’s in the Bible, I can tell you that much, about those who will be judged and punished. Despicable offenders like idolators, murderers, liars… oh and cowards. Those Who Fear. Ouch. The Fear of the Lord, as we so often hear, thinking we know what it means, does not mean to be afraid. The last thing that God wants is for us, His children to be afraid of Him. Yes, we are to have a reverent awe and respect for the Lord, which surpasses greatly the amount of awe and respect that we give to any other. But I am beginning to think that we Christians, myself in the forefront, are abusing this “holy fear”, and making it into something it should never be. As I’ve been studying the Bible more and more, I am so thankful to have the Holy Spirit to give me understanding and to teach me what it means bit by bit. One of the greatest things He has been teaching me lately, is of His Goodness, which truly never fails, of His mercy that goes and goes, that forgives and forgives. The psalms are always pointing out how the people have messed up, and God has bailed them out, and even blessed them though they probably deserved to get their little butts spanked. Looking back, God has done this very thing for me time and time again. How long will I be thick-headed? How long will I be hard-hearted against the One who gives me life and breath and all of the love that I could ever need, and still more, if I could just grasp ahold of the truth of it? How long will I look to other’s approval to give me self-worth? Psalm 49 basically says, “Why should we fear what other people can do to us? Why should we compare ourselves to ones who are richer, better looking, more talented? Why should we get frustrated with the injustice of those who gain by dishonesty or immorality, while ourselves feeling cheated somehow? Why should we look to those who seem to be just plain better than us? Can they with all of their money, talent, looks and the rest bail us out of the punishment we’ve raked up for ourselves? Basically, this is it: no man can pay enough to save us from an eternity separated from God, which we have rightly earned though sin. No man then surely, could ever pay enough to buy us an eternity in the presence of God, with blessings and joy that will never run out. Only God is this wealthy and powerful, and He has already done it through Jesus, just because He loves us.” Whew, what a relief. In that perspective, why would we care what Anyone else thinks but God? Why would we get our worth from anyone else? I know this needs to hit you, like it needs to keep hitting me, by the Spirit. But man, this is good stuff, and I want to get a start on it.

intro

storyofmyheart — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:27:38 +0000

This blog is one of many attempts to record the thoughts and happenings of my life. I’ve always felt the importance of it, yet have lacked the discipline to persevere and simply write day after day. This is an odd fact, because I have always enjoyed writing. I don’t know exactly the reason for my past literary laziness, but it’s better late than never, to try again. I have felt the Lord telling me often to record my thoughts and the things He has shown me, for my own sake – to strengthen me, and for the benefit of others. (I will address these two points in another post.) So that is what this blog will be – a recollection of the miracles and wonders of my life so far, an illustration of my journey with Christ, and the fresh revelations and bits of knowledge He has given me, both to sustain me and to help me grow. And in these last several years, I’ve done a lot of growing and changing, with each bit for the better. I am thankful for my relationship with God, and it’s time I start sharing His gifts, in whichever form they come. So here goes in one manner, welcome to my life.